An Immortal Battle For Supremacy.

Underworld/Len Wiseman/September 2003

Vampires, werewolves and troubles in love: Underworld is the dark version of now-common vampires versus werewolves tale that has so horrifyingly been reborn with the Twilight series. It follows Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a warrior vampire, as she uncovers terrible secrets about the origins of the war of the species and must face the consequences when she falls in love with the key to the whole mystery.

Like many others in its category (fantasy action/romance), Underworld suffers from a plot that is only mildly intriguing and some actors that really cannot carry the film’s weight. Beckinsale, so often seen in pretty romantic roles, attempts to amplify her sex appeal and while this works, her acting is probably about as lively and interesting as a tomb. The complete lack of chemistry between her character and the supposed love interest Michael (played by Scott Speedman) means we don’t even care when they kiss for the first time. The moment itself feels horribly clinical, which has nothing to do with the scene’s setting in some sort of laboratory.

Some of the cast do prove that you can act well, even if what you’re given isn’t the best script. Bill Nighy (as Viktor) gives a fairly powerful performance, despite the two-dimensional feel to the majority of the characters. Michael Sheen (as Lucian) also works well within his limited scope, but these two actors can’t save the rest from falling into banality. Speedman is only vaguely interesting; we don’t really feel much towards him, making the plot even weaker.

Though the film isn’t particularly strong, it does have some aspects that are of interest. The costumes, though mostly impractical (latex and leather catsuits are not suitable fighting wear), are good, including those worn by the male actors.  The music is your typical dark-action-movie fare, but it features some apt scoring by Renholder. The CGI, prosthetics and makeup are admirable. Viktor’s regenerating body and the transition from human to Lycan is impressively realised, and the sound effects that go with that transformation are gruesomely appropriate.

It’s a silly mess at times and we don’t really get involved in the story, but it’s a fun watch for those that enjoy guns-blazing supernatural action.

Review Length: 365 words

Serious Rating: 3.5/10

Superficial Rating: 5.5/10. Kate Beckinsale leaves nothing to the imagination in that outfit, and Michael Sheen is oddly hot in leather trousers. Just me? Maybe just me.

DISCLAIMER: I personally quite like this film (shh, don’t tell anybody). Also, if somebody wanted to buy me that catsuit, I’d be extremely grateful. Ooh, and the guns that go with it. I basically want to be as cool as her. Perhaps with better acting skills… I don’t really want to come across with the magnetism of a plank of wood.

For fun, I’m gifting you this lovely picture of Selene, in the hopes that my previous theory on sexy photos and ratings is proved correct!

Can’t deny the girl looks good.

On the other side of drinks, dinner and a one night stand, lies a terrifying love story.

Fatal Attraction/Adrian Lyne/September 1987

It takes its time coming to the boil, but it’s definitely something once the lid is taken off. Fatal Attraction is perhaps known as the king (or queen) of all obsessive tales, with Glenn Close as the truly terrifying Alex Forrest. When Forrest and married man Dan Gallagher (Michael Douglas) have a one night affair, the initial attraction turns sour when she begins to stalk him and his family with a dangerous ferocity.

Close proves her potency as an actress with her startling turn as Forrest. Though the character could be straightforward as a fanatical spurned lover, Close somehow gives her persona a fragility and earnestness that inspires some pity, rather than just pure terror. Forrest’s complete faith in her adoration for Gallagher and the reality of their situation is horribly made clear by Close’s nuanced performance. Her portrayal of Forrest as loving, even in the moments where by rights she should hate her ex-lover, makes her all the more unsettling. Douglas does struggle in Close’s shadow, but still performs with a verisimilitude that is impressive. His slow descent into complete frustration and resentment makes us empathise with him. However, that’s not to say the film absolves him of any guilt; we do get the sense that, as the Lieutenant tells him, “that he has made his bed, and now he must lie in it”.

It takes its time, but Fatal Attraction, once it reaches the real tension, is relentlessly creepy. The first scene that throws the seemingly simple storyline off the rails is so suddenly launched that the viewer is taken off-guard. There are a few really well-filmed scenes. It’s going to be difficult to forget the bunny-boiling scene in a hurry; the horrific juxtaposition between Ellen (Ellen Hamilton Latzen) running towards her empty rabbit hutch and Beth (Anne Archer) reaching the boiling pot is realised with skill. The growing tension does finally pay off, with a highly unsettling climax that is all due to Close’s superb acting.

It’s by no means an easy watch, but it’s worth it for the excellent performance by Close as a deranged and damaged woman in love. It’s a twisted love story, odd but compelling. Bunnies, be warned.

Review Length: 365 words

Serious Rating: 8/10

Superficial Rating: ?/10. You really aren’t thinking about people being attractive after watching the film! It’s no wonder married women still want to thank Glenn Close for saving their marriages…

DISCLAIMER: It’s just occurred to me that I should have reviewed this at Easter! Ah well, opportunity lost. It’s probably too mean to the bunnies anyway, poor things. A note to foreign readers: a “bunny-boiler” in the UK means a woman who is, well, crazy and obsessive over a man with whom she has only a brief relationship. Life imitating art, perhaps? (Although hopefully not literally!)

Somebody said get a life… so they did.

Thelma and Louise/Ridley Scott/July 1991

Thelma and Louise is one of those films that seems impossible to define. Is it a comedic voyage of self-discovery? Is it the tale of a violent crime spree? Is it a tragic tale of two women oppressed by patriarchal society? Whichever it is, it’s a captivating, brightly-coloured journey that engages us completely. When Thelma (Geena Davis) is brutally attacked, her best friend Louise (Susan Sarandon) saves her, with terrible consequences that will change their lives for better and for worse.

It’s hard not to root for Thelma and Louise as they make their way across the lavish American scenery. The cinematography is glorious, with the rich hues of the landscape providing a great backdrop to the road trip. The film really captures the allure of the desolate American desert, with the soundtrack giving the whole production an oddly upbeat feel. It’s the pervading sense of freedom that gives the film its charming and enduring quality.

The actresses are adept at bringing this strange tale to life. Sarandon is brilliant, giving her tough character Louise heart as well as guts. Thelma’s transition from ditsy wife to confident robber is believable, thanks to Davis’ skills at gradually developing her character. Harvey Keitel’s character, Hal, feels a little too forced to be realistic, but Michael Madsen (as Jimmy) has a quietly strong presence. Christopher McDonald, as Thelma’s overbearing husband Darryl, is hilarious as the epitome of male chauvinism, and Brad Pitt is enjoyable as the earnest thief J.D.

It’s a comedic film, surprisingly, in spite of and because of its difficult content. Despite their setbacks in life, the pair are finally allowed the liberation that they aren’t allowed in their traditional roles of wife or waitress. We find ourselves questioning what real living is; Thelma says at one point, ‘I’ve never felt this awake before,’ and we really understand what she means. The ending is certainly poignant, but Scott’s direction means that we feel it’s the appropriate resolution. It’s not often a film this complex in subject is so resoundingly positive, but Thelma and Louise is one that will endure as a testament to changing ideals for women and to the ultimate goal: to escape the mundane.

Review Length: 365 words

Serious Rating: 8.5/10

Superficial Rating: 5/10. Geena Davis is captivating as always, and who can turn down Brad Pitt? (Even if he is a bit on the skinny side!)

DISCLAIMER: I desperately want to rant about the feminist aspects of this film, but I do that enough in class! This is what happens when you mix classwork and personal work!